The Couples Check-In
Eight questions about communication, conflict, and affection. Take it together on the couch, or solo and share your result — either way you get conversation starters, never judgment.
What you’ll learn
How do we know if we need couples counseling?
When the same fights repeat without resolution, communication turns cold or hostile, trust is damaged, or affection fades. You do not need to be in crisis — many couples go to strengthen something good or navigate a transition.
What actually happens in couples therapy?
You meet together with a neutral therapist who maps your patterns — how you fight, repair, and disconnect — then helps you practice new ways of talking in the room and at home. The relationship is the client, not either partner.
What if my partner won’t go?
Start alone. Individual therapy shifts your half of the pattern, which changes the pattern itself — and reluctant partners often join after seeing the difference. A single no-commitment consultation can also lower the barrier.
Is couples therapy only for marriages in trouble?
No. Premarital counseling is one of its highest-value uses: surfacing differences about money, kids, and conflict styles before they harden. Think maintenance, not just repair.
3 questions to ask each other tonight
- “When did you last feel really close to me — and what were we doing?” This maps what already works, so you can do more of it on purpose.
- “What’s one small thing I do that makes your day harder, that I might not realize?” Small frictions are fixable; unspoken ones calcify. Listen without defending.
- “If our relationship were 10% better, what would be different?” Concrete and non-threatening — it turns vague dissatisfaction into one actionable change.
Rules for the conversation: phones away, no score-keeping, and each person gets to finish. If it gets heated, pause and return tomorrow — repair matters more than winning.
Want a guide for the two of you?
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